Plug In!

I find time to be such a fascinating thing, the constant tick, tock, tick, tock, of my life clock, from my very first breath, from that exact second I claimed my place in the world, my clock began.

What’s fascinating is that, although I still have no idea when my clock will stop, when my last breath will be taken, I still find myself letting whole minutes go to waste, in fact when I look back over the almost five decades that I have been around, I know that I have let many hours, days and even months slip by without even a second thought.

Randy Pausch shared one of his big lessons in life, is that he could never get wasted time back, so he became a master of managing his time, so that he could do the things that were most important to him. In fact, anyone of the 11 million people that have viewed his ‘Last Lecture’ on You Tube, may all agree, that he did more with his last few months on earth, than many of us choose to cram into a lifetime.

Interestingly, anyone I know of who has had a ‘near death’ experience, always seem to say the same thing, once they received a second chance, they began making every moment count, they no longer took their life for granted, in fact another interesting thing is most of them began to live with purpose and got busy making a difference in their world.

Of course there are many household names of people, like Lance Armstrong, Christopher Reeves, Rick Hanson, Terry Fox and of course the millions of people who wear pink ribbons, or who have glimpsed their own mortality in the many different ways, who now dedicate many precious moments, hours and even days contributing, and making a difference in the lives of others.

Many ‘second chances’ will change the whole course of their lives, there are those who may leave their job they so despise, some who embrace new hobbies , some move to a place they have always loved, many find new friends who are engaged in living fully, who’s lives are positive and purposeful.

My question to you as we turn the page on this last decade, and look forward to the possibilities of the next, is this, why wait? Why wait for the final chapter of your story to begin before beginning to write your masterpiece.

Why wait, for your final moments on earth before you seize your opportunity to discover the gifts that lay buried under your day to day activities, the day to day activities that pull you away or distract you from the magic hidden in each moment, and always seem so important.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone stops cleaning their house or feeding their kids, I am not saying that everyone stop laying on the couch on a Sunday afternoon watching the game.

What I am saying is that in this new decade you can choose to live with more purpose, with more gratitude, with more openness, more awareness, and more understanding that each day has the potential to be the last one you may ever enjoy on this earth.

Each kiss, each wrestle with the kids, each romantic dinner, each delicious morsel to pass your lips, each sunrise or sunset, maybe your last, and each rainy afternoon may be your last chance to splash around in puddles.

A dear friend of mine once said ‘seize the moment’ which allows you to seize the minute, which allows you to seize the hour and which means you will in fact seize the day.

So, as you step into this new decade, it’s time to take a bow, let everyone know you have arrived and you are here to leave your legacy, to contribute, to make a difference in ‘your’ world, to make the continuing story of your life, a masterpiece.

I have taught for many years that I believe that everyone is waiting for someone else to go first, to hug, to smile, to ask a question, to invite for dinner, and while they are waiting, silently in the background there is a tick, tock, tick, tock of the clock.

Ten Simple Ways to begin Enriching Your Life and Creating your Masterpiece

• Smile and say hello to everyone you pass on the street
• Invite a neighbor over for dinner or take them a gift
• Use a Hug instead of handshake as a way to greet
• Help a stranger with a ‘Random Act of kindness’ whenever possible
• Take up a ‘New’ hobby
• Throw a party for your friends for absolutely no reason
• Share with loved ones what your grateful for every single day
• Take a walk in nature at least once a week
• Laugh, have FUN, make silly moments, and stop taking life so seriously
• Write a list of 100 things that you want to achieve in your life (and start doing them)

Make sure that you are doing at least one of your 100 things every single day for the rest of your life, so make sure some include your purpose, legacy or contribution.

In closing: Don’t wait, don’t just make another New Year’s resolution that may slip from your memory in the months to come, take action and seize all your precious moments and make this a decade to remember.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Just last night, once again, I had a patient in my office who admitted that she hates her job, yet gives it most of her time and attention. She then comes home and takes her frustration out on her spouse. Sounds familiar? As Isagenix Associates we are on our way to loving our work. But now, as the New Year dawns, take time to assess whether you are also loving your mate. “Now wait, Dr. Cheryl, I definitely love my mate!”  But I am not talking about a passive, warm fuzzy feeling. I am talking about taking your love into ACTION. How can you begin a journey toward Awakened Lover status?

First, decide that Lover is a verb. Love in Action is about doing. Don’t wait around for a great Love Life. Stop planning the journey and start taking the steps toward creating a rich, rewarding Lover Life. Second, make your Lover Life your Hobby. For a moment, think about one of your hobbies. Now, think about what your hobby means to you. A hobby, be it golfing or gardening is something we love to do. We create time for it. We want to improve our skills and talents, so we invest time, money and energy in lessons, books, seminars, professional consultation, tools and supplies. In other words, we make it a priority. And we don’t whine about it; we are excited and happy to take Sunday in the garden or on the greens.

Now think about your Lover Life. Be honest. Are you currently experiencing your Lover Life as a hobby? Do you look forward to spending time with your partner? Do you carefully plan your week so there are periods of time set aside for your relationship-hobby? Are you striving to learn and grow and improve your communication and sensual skills? Do you experience your relationship as a source of recreation and delight? If yes, congratulations; you are either a very rare long term couple or you are newly dating! For everybody else, take heart. Your new relationship starts today.

TIPS FOR CLEANSING AND REVITALIZING YOUR LOVER LIFE

1.  Set time aside for your relationship; daily, weekly, and monthly. Create time daily for connection, weekly for deeper communication, daily and weekly for touch, cuddling and sexuality, weekly for leisure time and monthly or quarterly for getaways…without the kids.
2. Begin a daily practice of the three A’s. Take 3 minutes in the evening to Apologize, Appreciate, and Admire. “Honey, I’m sorry I was crabby when you asked me to put the kids to bed.” “I want to let you know that I truly appreciate you making dinner” “One thing I admire about you is your sense of humour when things get stressful around here”
3. Begin listening to CD’s, reading books, and taking courses to improve your skills. Commit to your Hobby; and this is one Hobby you get to share with your spouse.

With Passion,

Cheryl

Dr. Cheryl earned her PhD at Simon Fraser University, and did her Post Doctoral work at the University of California San Francisco medical school as a Fulbright Scholar. She is a regular television and radio media psychologist, and she writes a monthly column for Best Health magazine. She is a Master Trainer at Isagenix’s ETC The Art of Connection and Beyond Courage. She is fast on her way to Star Consultant status and she teaches her Isa-Team, and other teams, the Psychology of Network Marketing;

For more information about Dr. Cheryl, and the Awakened Lover work, or to order CD’s, visit www.becomepassion.com

Special Offer: Dr. Cheryl Fraser’s BECOME PASSION: A Relationship System for Creating Thrill, Intimacy, and Sensuality that Last a Lifetime ..click here to find out more! www.becomepassion.com

 Bizarre Headline reads:

Superior Man Arrested for Trespassing on His Own Property

This Deluth Minnesota Newspaper headline caught my attention. Evidently a man was going hunting in Superior Iowa, when he saw public utility workforce digging across the front acreage of his property. As he approached the worksite and stopped the workers a policeman came upon the scene and arrested him for interfering with a public project. He tried to explain that this was his own property but the officer was adamant that he would have to tell his side of the story to the court. I could not help but think about that headline and seeing parallels to life.

First, whenever you start to establish a new skill or pattern in your life your first resistance doesn’t come from something on the outside, it always comes from your own property. Your mind, emotions and body all have habits and those habits treat any major new change with resistance. Professional coaches in athletics or other fields call this “homeostasis,” which is the status (stasis) you are most comfortable and at home with as a human (homeo).

Homeostasis is probably most obvious in physical things, for instance, as soon as the alarm goes off to get up earlier than usual for your first day workout – your body rebels. The moment you change your eating program the only thing that changed is your decision- your body still craves the old pattern. The same is true with emotions. Your nervous system gets accustomed to whatever neurons you fire off and link to your feelings – including negative feelings! If you get a neurological charge in your feelings from spending money- you spend. If you feel more secure by being angry- you’ll live in rage. Whatever gives you an emotional payoff- bad or good- you will keep doing. Your body literally manufactures a chemical called a ‘peptide’ to make sure you repeat the feelings! It’s weird how we form and sustain this wiring, but its true.

It’s a verifiable truth that does not change with age or nationality- if you want a superior income, superior relationships and superior health you will have to realize that your mind and body are right now conditioned to a certain income, health and level of intimacy. You can change this when you possess all your territory, which leads to my next point.

Second, make sure you own 100% of your property. I used to derive a certain amount of comfort by rehearsing to myself (and others) the never-ending obstacles I encountered in my labors to build a non-profit corporation. I would tell people that my setbacks were all part of a divine plan and that God was teaching me something. He was, but I didn’t ‘get it’ till someone challenged me to see that everything that I had in my life was in some way a reflection of my own choices. If my non-profit wasn’t growing it was because of decisions I was making at some level consciously or subconsciously. The universe was not imposing a cosmic delay upon me as I once thought. What I needed to do was take “personal responsibility” for the results I was getting and stop identifying with the role of a “victim” OUCH! That hurt.

The good news is that it opened my eyes to the fact that the “Superior Man” inside me was well able to walk across every square inch of the territory of my life and begin taking responsibility for how things looked. In fact, I am also in hunting clothes, because I have made it my quest to hunt down and stalk the secrets to the “Superior Life.” Only this time I am fully aware that I need to not only find insights that lead to new wiser choices, I also need to prepare myself for resistance – homeostasis, the opposition I will encounter on my own physical, emotional and mental property!

Third, if “homeostasis” is simply the resistance built into the program you created and “personal responsibility” is the starting point of reclaiming your life, what steps can you take immediately to liberate the superior man?

Here are four practical steps that can help you right now:

1. “Feelings that fire together wire together!” The right training experiences will help break down the power of homeostasis and strengthen a whole new set of superior programs- but they need to be emotional emersions in order to break up the old patterns. So ask David Wood what he and I are cooking up for you in 2010!
2. “Thinking is taught but feelings get caught!” That’s right. The latest research from Daniel Goleman on emotional intelligence states that feelings are as transferable as germs. If you’re going to unleash the Superior man within, you are going to have to hang around people who are contagious about living a superior life. Make a list of your top 3 relationships and send them this article-now-before you forget.
3. “Your state of being reflects your seeing!” In a future article we will get into this in depth, but for now it’s important for you to know that a simple routine of writing out who you really are and what you really want to be, and rehearsing it in the morning and night for 30 days will seriously scramble your old patters. More on that later!
4. This holiday season is a great opportunity to practice giving those around you the gift of a superior you!

Finally, I am thankful for you.

When I sit down to write, I find that I really need to be in a certain mindset and relaxed space to have the writing juices flow. If not, I feel as many authors lament “writers block”. Of course when I feel this so called “writers block” I wouldn’t even dare determine myself a “writer”. 

Alright then, on with it…

I was just regaling about the demons of writers block because that is exactly where I was this week until I went to my favorite health food store very early one morning to nab a couple of cans of cat food to satisfy two crying kitties at home. I was writing an article on parenting. A pretty broad subject I would say. But I was smugly thinking this would be a piece of cake. After all, I raised seven children of my own who are now grown and in my humble and biased opinion all “wonderful”.

While standing in the checkout line I began a conversation with a darling little girl about 3+ years old. “You’re out early this morning. Did you get Mommy up really early?” I said. I caught a grimace and confirming expression from Mom. Then the little girl asked her Mom; “Can I have a lollipop? Please, please, pleeeeeeze!”  Mom’s reply in the softest, sweetest of voices; “No, but thanks so very much for asking”.

I wanted to forget everything I ever knew about parenting, scrap my article and ask this woman for her autograph and an in-depth interview. WOW! What a response. I arrived home, crumpled up my article and began again.

In truth there is so much information out there, in every available media about parenting, it is dizzying. How are parents to know the correct path to take to give the best tools to our little ones in this fast moving world we live in and create harmony in and outside our homes? After all, we all want kids with great manners, respect for others, who excel in school, sports, etc. (etc means everything) and the list goes on. Or do we? Have we created a society that puts so much pressure on our children that much of their young lives are spent trying to please our desired behaviors, wished talents and dreams for them and not their own?

Parenting really is a balancing act. As parents, we are sitting on the fence most of the time. On one side we really give it to them when they act up and let them know whatever action was unacceptable. Or we attempt to calmly work it out. On the other side of the fence, we turn a blind eye and pretend not to see what is happening and let our children work it out themselves. We are either too tired to deal with it or don’t want to be harping negatively at the kids ALL the time.  The rest of the time we are sitting on the fence guessing which side we need to be on that particular day.

All this parenting activity going on 24/7, while we work, cook , clean, drive, exercise, stay looking young and sexy (heaven forbid), connect with teachers/parents/church, have a great relationship with our partners/friends/family and of course immerse ourselves in personal development and self enlightenment.

The truth is, at least in my experience, each of these little souls that come into our lives is different. There is no step by step rule book that has blanket coverage for all children. My recipe wasn’t always easy and my children were the same as all others. You know; paint the wall at 3 yrs, sneak friends over at 12yrs, wreck the car at 16yrs and so on. But I constantly informed them how great they were; even when they thought they were too old to hear it. I showered them with as much love as possible while insisting the household rules were followed, unless of course they wanted to pay the mortgage and expenses. Under those conditions I just might let them have some input.

When I was too tired, cranky or angry I separated us to our bedrooms or I just went for a drive. I knew I would only give unfair, undue anger and words when I was in this personal space. I used all the famous quotes. “If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?” Some were better than others. “You’re Captain of your own ship” or my personal favorite  “Well, I think you may be a bit young to participate in this activity, but just for this once I am going to let you go and we’ll see how you make out. We’ll evaluate tomorrow. If you are old enough and mature enough, things will turn out great. If not, we will re think things together.”

Of course there are times we have to let them be so angry at us and even say they “hate” us for saying NO and keep our smooth calm demeanor until they get over it. Like the time my fourteen year old daughter wanted to go on a date with a street performer who was the most wonderful person she had ever met. There is no such thing as “peace at any price”. Parenting by this decree sees much war and unrest later when the children begin to become adults and this can last a lifetime.

We are their best friends, their confidants, the evil person in their lives, the weirdest, most outdated person they know; yet in the depths of their beautiful constantly changing hearts, they just want parents who are not afraid or too self consumed to parent them, to be assured that we love them unconditionally with all our hearts, that we accept and approve of them and will support them through all the crazy thing they do while growing up. JUST LIKE WE DID!

Keep laughter, fun and love in your life every day.

Barbara Dohaney 1.10.10